Thursday, June 5, 2014

Slayercise, Gagacize, Puccinicize, JOHN FREAKING DENVERCISE!

Sick of coming to work in the morning and you are as tired as you should be at the end of the day? Tired of drinking coffee after coffee after coffee just to open one eye? They say you choose your attitude! How do you have time to choose your attitude when you can't even decide between yawning or stretching? Well, ladies and gentleman, today is your lucky day! I have developed a system so simple and that requires you to purchase ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in addition to what you already have at your disposal. You can practice my simple system to achieving total awareness and possibly, YES POSSIBLY, your happiest mornings ever. You'll be so happy people might even be afraid of you. AFRAID OF YOUR HAPPINESS! You don't need a fancy space with fancy equipment to practice this simple system. You can practice it in your shower, your bedroom, your car, the walk up to your office-or if you make it to the advanced level of this simple system, from your first sit down at home on the throne to your first sit down at the office in the chair at your your desk.

Here are these simple steps, revealed for the first time in any blog titled "Solomon Kleit-Customer Service Jedi":

1. Find a place of solitude(the bedroom, the bathroom or the car are good beginner spots).

2. Select the music of your choice (this may vary on several factors-just pick what calls to you).

3. Sing it as loud or as soulful or as Cookie Monster (in case bands like Soreption or Immolation call out to you that morning) as you possibly can. Remember that commercial where they say sing like no one is watching? The person who said that is happy;happily hiding away in the dark places of their house hoping that someone saves them. NOT YOU! If you want to successfully complete my SIMPLE system, must sing like you expect the whole world to be listening and you don't give a shit what they think about it. Just remember, you will probably sound better in the shower then in the toilet stall at work, but even then, who cares.

Just remember:

****Modern day Acoustic Science has proven-IN THE LABORATORY-that bathroom walls increase elasticity of vocal ranges to appear to remain a constant C-EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT!!!!

****Your husband, wife or partner will love waking it to you shaking it and filling their ears with a QUIET STORM OF AWARENESS!!!! (Crunk not recommended at these times).

****That guy in the car next you, driving like a coward with his windows rolled up, has been picking his nose like the world is NOT watching FOR THE LAST FIVE MILES! So, what do you have to be self-conscious about? He might, if he hears you, go from picking his nose to playing it like the Nose Harp it was intended to be!

****Singing to songs is a lot easier on the vocal chords if you know the lyrics (no strain=pitch gain)!

But seriously my friends, I sing every morning, no matter where I am going that day. I sing in the shower, I sing in the car and I sing on the way to the office. And, not to sound corny, it really helps me to rock out my positive attitude when working. I love the music I love, singing is physical exercise, head banging or shaking your butt is exercise. As much as it is a decision to start your day that way it becomes a huge part of the commitment you make to be happy no matter what comes at you!

Do it peoples!!!!!!

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